You know I realize something at this exact moment. I just watched one of those typical movies that made me think, and its 1:51 in the morning, and this virtual page was so invitingly empty, and I just want to say this before the moment fades and I have to try to recreate what I feel right now, a collage of my past, present and future emotions mixed with emotions loaned to me on a one-night loan from this movie.

In this movie there’s a mother dying of cancer; typically sentimental. Suddenly the mood in the air is one inviting real touching love, forgiveness, deep thought and reflection, lives changed and broken bridges mended, and an Oscar for the screenwriter.

I hope the above didn’t sound sarcastic, because I liked the movie very much, and I liked being left with this thought. Why does it take disturbing medical terms, and long moments of scary silence, and fear of remorse, and telephones ringing with an unusual pierce to make us realize what we should realize every day? To realize that that’s paper you’re holding in your hand, with numbers and printed signatures to make you respect it. To realize it’s not worth trading the satisfaction of winning an argument for even 5 minutes of another’s agony. To realize what’s really worth it.

In the end, the sickness passes, the mother lives, and life goes on, and someone who left town for two months would see no difference on the outside. But they are in fact forever changed.

I’m thankful for those agonizing moments, when I feel my hearts is like a shattered windshield, and I feel every bit of strength has been ripped from me, and I want to write off my whole life up to that moment as a disaster. Because unlike these ones who have to rely solely on willpower and inner resolve to make those constructive choices and can only hope their lives turn out to have a picturesque plot, I have Jesus, who always brings me back together again, and looks at the tiny cubes of glass on the asphalt and smiles as they twinkle at him, picks them up, takes them home, and creates a stain glass window.